Nov 18 (I believe) is the date of the talk - now this talk was not your average talk - we all have talks, some serious, some funny, some short and some long - this talk was long serious and a bit funny - before I go any further let me just say that in my writings I will not put names or try not to -I know there is a name in my first writing but it is just the first name - ok where was I - oh yeah a funny, long but serious talk - I went in to the doctor on this day with my sweet dear friend - she was there for moral support and to help ask any questions that either I couldn't remember or wouldn't think to ask - as you can tell this is a very serious talk - I was meeting my oncologist for the first time - I had no clue as to what to expect or what would happen - I certainly didn't expect surgery again but I'm getting ahead of myself - the one major thing that helped me get through all of this was and is God - the next best thing was having a few great friends - C was with me on this day and for that I am forever grateful - anyways - as we sit down to talk with the oncologist we ask why didn't the first doctor catch the cancer with the biopsies and yearly exams - the oncologist explained that where my cancer was at it wouldn't of been found with the traditional methods - if they had not done surgery then they would of not found it till it was in its advanced stages - the oncologist explained that we were going to have to do another surgery to take take out the rest of my equipment because once radiation hits the ovaries they quit working - and at this point I had no use for them - as he explained that he was taking my ovaries, tubes and either checking my pelvic lymph nodes or taking them - regardless C was asking questions like side effects, anything I can do or can't do - how long will the side effects last - anything in particular that we can do to help this process - all the while I would just shake my head and look at the doc and say "but they are my ovaries" for some strange reason I got very possessive of my ovaries - the doc would stop each time he heard me and say but we have to take them - I would just sit quietly listening to everything that was being talked about - I repeated that statement about 5 different times and the last time the doc finally looked at me and said "it sucks" - I shook my head and was on the verge of saying no it's ok but I stopped myself because at the point it really did suck - he nodded at me and then I was ok at least for the rest of that day - I learned that my surgery would take place on dec 4th and that treatments would maybe start at the first of the year - I would have 5 weeks of radiation 5 days a week and I would have chemo once a week for 5 weeks - after the regular radiation I would have to have 2 treatments of radiation with a cylinder but that's another story - I learned that while I was having treatments I would not lose my hair - I may lose weight (but try not to they said) - and I would be nauseated - I would be tired - but nothing to major - anyways we had to wait in the lobby after we talked with the doc for a set up appointment ( I think) and as we were sitting there - my question was why can't they make a tool that would detect cancer cells in the glands - a yearly is good and sometimes great but they need to use the brush a little better - if you are a female then you know about the brush - so let me tell you that when you go for your next yearly you need to tell them to use the brush - the brush would have "brushed" some of the cancer cells down and it would have been detected - at this point surgery was set and we were headed home - now remember I wasn't completely healed from my first surgery on Oct 25 - I went into this "talk" with no expectations at least that's what I thought - I didn't reslize I would get so possessive of my ovaries - I loved the fact that my oncologist was sympathic and caring -at least he showed that - I loved the fact that he was patient and kind with all our questions - I don't think I would of been able to remember everything that was said had I been by myself - anytime you have a "talk" please take someone with you - the thing to remember about "the talk" is to go in there with no expectations - take someone with you that isn't afraid to ask questions whether it's your questions or theirs - and more importantly take someone who has your best interest at heart - it's already difficult enough to hear that you had cancer and it's even more difficult to walk through this by yourself -
I was angry that I had to have surgery again even though it was nobody's fault - I wanted to be done at this point I couldn't understand or grasp why do treatments since they got the cancer out but then oops I remember there was a "suspicious" mass near my lymph nodes - I didn't want to have another surgery - thanksgiving and Christmas was coming up - I wanted to be out n about enjoying the holidays with everyone else - I didn't want treatments looming over my head - I didn't want yet another surgery looming over my head - needless to say I was not happy but yet I had a stern talk with self and just braced myself for what was to come - and in saying that I had no clue as to what I was about to face - at this point it was like let's put my diagnosis of cancer on the shelf for another time and let's deal with surgery and then getting through treatments - we'll for now that's it........
Peace out tater tot......
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