The first day I walked into David's office I'm not sure what I expected. I definitely know it wasn't what happened or developed over the years. I had an idea in my mind that we would discuss my childhood and how I felt, what I believed and why I did the things I did. I didn't think it was all tied together. When one area of your life is off balance then all areas are off balance whether you realize it or not. It took about 6 months for me to become comfortable enough to start getting to the root of it all. It took me another 18 months before I could trust him with some very private issues. Yeah yeah yeah I know he's there's to help why did I wait so long. I have trust issues I know this, he knew it within a month or so of meeting me.
David was so easy to talk to and he made me comfortable but yet still would call BS if he needed to which he did several times. He was the right counselor for me especially at that time. It took me about 2 years or more before I could look him in the eyes while talking with him. I know there's something out there about not looking at people's eyes when you talk to them but mine started way back in the day when I would talk about how I felt about something. When I was a child I wasn't really believed and at times told "no you don't feel it or something to that effect". When I went to his office I had a certain chair I sat in and would stare out the big bay windows. He would let me because he knew I would talk more that way.
I do remember one time when I was in his office and wasn't really talking, he gave me an ultimatum and made it clear if I didn't start talking he would shut the blinds on that big bay window I loved to look out. I stalled, he got up and started his way to the window. I started talking of course. David had a way of pushing when he needed to and also backing off when the time was needed. He helped me understand why I did some of the things I did. He helped me understand that I made the decisions based off of skewed tapes in my head from childhood.
I guess what I am saying is if you are on the fence about going to a counselor I'm gonna say go ahead and jump off that fence and go. It will be life changing. It will be so rewarding. Well maybe not in the beginning but it has its moments that just make you want to go back and get more. If you are sitting in a counselors office and you don't feel very comfortable then I would say give it three sessions then make a decision. I have a counselor now that if we didn't mesh on the beginning she would have told me and we would have parted ways. Yes I said she. And yes I have another counselor. I will tell you about her in the next writing.
May is mental health awareness month and while I believe that mental health should have more than a month this is the perfect month to start your healing journey. Mental health needs to be front n center. Too many cases of domestic violence, too many cases of bullying. Too many cases of people doing things out in this world who suffer from depression, low self esteem, low self worth, no love for themselves. It all ties in together. Today is the first day of your life to start a new fresh journey to being happy, to living a happy life doing the things you want and making some really great and happy memories.
In closing you aren't always going to have happy days, life gets in the way I understand that. You also will have days where you may be taking a step back into old habits I get that as well. That's when you reach out and get help so you can get back on track. I have someone who stops in at the store and I see him every week but on those weeks where everything is piling up we talk. He reminded me this week that even though I may not realize it I do have another stable person I can talk to. So in your travels you may think nobody would understand I can tell you that there may be someone like that in your life.
Peace out Tater Tot.......
