Wait, do you like me?

 

I look in the mirror and do not recognize the woman who stares back at me. Hello my name is Melissa and its so very nice to meet ya. Don't look confused, it's really me. Yes you can stare it's ok.

See way back when I couldn't look people in the eyes while talking to them. Shoot I couldn't even look at myself in the eyes while standing in front of a mirror. When I was in counseling, I would sit in this colorful chair and stare out the window while talking to David. He picked up quickly that if you wanted me to talk, then let me look out the big window and we could talk all day. He even threatened to close the blinds if I didn't start talking, that's how much I would look out the windows. Anything to avoid looking directly at you.

It didn't help matters that I was shy. It didn't help that I didn't know how to meet people. It didn't help that I didn't really know who I was. It really didn't help that I had to figure out all this stuff on my own. I use to help people because I wanted them to like me. I use to go where ever others wanted just so I could tag along and belong. I had to learn how to go out by myself including going to a restaurant and eat alone. I had to do this so I could learn who I was, who I am. With therapy I learned who I was. In therapy I learned I am not my past, or my parents baggage. In therapy I learned I am not who others tried to make me.

I have learned that I absolutely love to help others, it makes my heart happy. I love to read, I have a gift for writing. I love to cook but only when the mood hits. I have also learned I don't really care for shallow conversations, I will do them because it's necassary but give me a deep conversation any day. There are times I catch myself wanting to do something just to fit in and then I have to stop myself and ask why am I doing this? Usually that only happens at a low point in my life, don't worry I get over it quickly.

I have learned I am a perfectionist, if I do something then I want to get it right the first time. If I feel like I will not get it right then I don't attempt to start it. Maybe I should work on that. I don't like failure in myself. Although if I see others struggling then I go encourage them. I am really great at that!!

In the beginning I really thought I liked myself and I learned I only liked myself very little. Now, well most days I love me. Most days I am happy with me. Like most women there are days I don't like me but they are few n far between. I love learning new things and love learning myself (but only if I can get it right the first time). I love music, it will help any mood I am in. I love puzzles and quiet time. I love the new me.....

Alphabet Soup

 

Words are a part of your everyday life, whether silent, soft or loud. Words can set your mood for the day, they can even set someone's else day up as well. Angry words in the morning and you're in a bad mood all day. Happy words in the morning will have you having a great day all day. Thought provoking words in the morning will have you thinking on said words.

Words are used to destroy others

Words are used to uplift others

Words are used to manipulate others

Words are used to encourage others

Words can and will impact your future

Words said in anger will never go away. You can not take them back. Words said with regret you can't undo. Words are dangerous for they can change someone in an instant. You must be careful with your words. When talking to someone you don't know what words have been spoken to them in the past and you may unknowingly put more pressure on them. Words from the past will stay with you.

We are all different, we all receive words different. If you came from an unhappy home it's hard to hear good words. If you came from a happy home then you have a hard time hearing negative words. If you come from a broken home then you have no clue as to have good communication in a relationship. Sometimes you are in a great relationship and he/she says something that makes you doubt everything.

What is said to you as a child sets up future relationships. The less words are spoken also sets up a child in their relationships. We all have role models, we all have parents/guardians. As a child I didn't have a good foundation for communication. Now as an adult I struggle with my communication skills. I feel like I don't know how to have conversations. Strange I know because if you are reading this then you may have read my other posts. I love to write. Give me pen n paper and I can "talk" all day. Ask me to go meet someone for the first time and I get so nervous that either my words come out jumbled up or I look like a complete idiot and sometimes it's both.

As a child I heard words and words were spoken to me. Same thing for my teenage years and young adult years. I didn't really ever hear positive words or if they were said then they were few and far between. When I started therapy I knew I was gonna have to talk but it was like how bout I just give you writings and we can be done. I did learn as the days went by to talk to him and her but it wasnt easy. I still struggle with words, I forget to ask people bout their kids, how they themselves are doing. I forget to ask bout an appointment that you had. It's not intentional. It doesn't mean I don't care I just forget.

Words so are very important today. Please if you have young kids speak life, speak positive. Help them have the communication skills they will need later in life. If you are in a relationship then be careful with your words. Don't be afraid to say I love you. Don't be afraid to apologize. Don't be afraid to say if someone hurt you. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love what they are wearing, or the hair, earrings, shoes, well you get the picture.

In this crazy world we live in, we all hear enough negative to last us a lifetime. It's time to start building each other up with encouraging words.

Today tell someone that you like what they are wearing or whatever you like bout them. It may seem strange and scary at first but once you do it enough it will get easier, until then

Thank you for reading this and I hope I made you smile