The sun is shining. I love sunny days. When I was first seeing my therapist I really really loved having sunny days. I could sit in my chair and look at the blue skies. Yeah I know I should have been looking at my therapist but......
In the beginning I couldn't look at him. On the very first visit I sat in the chair closes to the door so I could bolt if I needed to. I tried to go in with no expectations. I honestly didn't have a clue as to what to expect or what to do.
I know that what you see on TV, the sterotypical client lays on a couch and the therapist asks you questions bout how you feel about whatever is going on. In saying that I am sure I could have laid down on the couch in his office but somehow that didnt feel right. I did learn that you sit how you want in the sense of what you are most comfortable with.
That first day, I was a bundle of nerves. Yes I wanted to bolt, not run but flee as fast as I could out the door. He asked me what 3 things were the worst for me. I told him and then he asked which is worse out of the 3. I told him and then he said the dreaded words of thats where we will start first. At the time my top 3 were family, (chilhood) work and church. He told me that usually if one of those are worse then it affects the other 2 areas and boy was he right.
We started with childhood but that first day he kinda let me ramble or rather do rabbit trails. It was a kinda get to know ya and see how you react. He would always tell me that it was a safe zone. Another words anything I said would be only between him and me. I was skeptical and didn't trust it. I mean do you really want me to tell you my deepest darkest secrets?? Yes he did but he also knew I needed to learn to trust him enough to tell him.
See for you folks who are thinking of going to therapy. Trust doesnt happen on day 1 or for that matter day 36, (at least for me it didnt) BUT it does happen. Once you realize you can tell your therapist your deepest darkest secrets like I did then you find out its not so bad to deal with this crazy thing we call life. Will you find the right therapist the first trip? Maybe - maybe not. I know I did, BUT I also know not everyone does.
Your first visit will be scary and nerve-racking. You will want to cancel it, or better yet just not even show up. I once asked David how many people really do get help and change, he said only about 30% of people really want to change. I sat and thought bout it and after eveything I have been through I can understand why that number is so low.
Most people want to change or deal with their baggage but then they realize how much work it actually takes to change/deal and they decide to stay where they are. Yes I know therapy costs money and some don't have it. I get that!! I learned from David that it's easier to stay where you are at because it's comfortable and safe. You know what to do, you know what to say and most of all you know what to expect. To change that means going into unfamiliar territory. You do not know what's gonna happen, what to expect or even say.
My biggest thing was, will people like the new me? Will they be ok with a new me? What will they expect out of me? Wait.......will I even like the new me, the healed me?
As a close friend just told me
I had to suck it up and deal with it....
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