Am I Cuckoo

Therapy is not for everyone. Yes I actually said that but wait…… there’s more!!! Society tells us we should do talk therapy or whatever the other one is. It gets 30 seconds and too me that’s just crazy and not really helpful. Society also makes jokes, laughs at others and berate someone for going to therapy. Society has taught us for a long time that talking to a therapist is just not cool and now they are trying to change the narrative on that. My title is very fitting because I actually have an uncle that asked me that when he realized I was seeing a therapist. My first therapist was a really good one and my second one was just what I needed at the time. I didn’t tell my grandma about going to therapy because she was one of those people. Nothing wrong with that I just wasn’t comfortable telling her just yet but I did. 

In my formative years I wasn’t for or against therapy just something that I didn’t think about. Then as I got older and realizing I need some help but had no clue where to start. So of course like others I put it off. I wouldn’t think about therapy for awhile and then one day I was just ready to deal with my childhood and get all the baggage taken care so I could move on with my life and enjoy it. My life, my church and work all came to head one week and then I had no choice but to reach out. 

I had to answer some questions with a caller to get the phone numbers and names of therapists in the area. One question she asked and I understood immediately what she was asking. She asked if I preferred a male or female. I chose male because at that time I was very comfortable talking to a male. At that time there was no way I would ever be able to talk to a female. Don’t worry David got me hooked up with Joanne for my second therapist. I wouldn’t trade either one, they were sent at the exact time that it was needed. 

First day of therapy, you want me to talk, you want me to do what?? You mean to tell me this is a safe place and I can tell you all my deepest darkest secrets?  No way, no how, you aren’t tricking me into talking about what’s going on in my life. It took me about 6 to 8 months before I could trust David with some deep dark secrets. It took another 6 months before I could really really trust him and for real give up the deepest darkest secrets I carried. I tell you though, it was most rewarding. 

I’m sure some of you have read the very first line and then read up to here and wonder why I said that since I had such a rewarding time. I will explain now, so in my first visits with David I started to be okay talking with him as long as we didn’t get too deep. I also realized that I was paying him to help me. That’s when it clicked for me, I had to be willing to lay my soul bare, I also had to start taking what I had learned and using it so I could change. At the time I was going there was this older gentleman who was going but the thing was he was still harping on childhood issues but wasn’t willing to learn and move forward. That’s so sad to me, this man spent his life in therapy and didn’t change. 

So when I say therapy isn’t for all, this is what I mean, you have to be willing to change, you have to be able to have hard conversations even if you don’t want to. You have to be willing to put the work in, and that means that you have to take accountability for the stuff that is your fault. You have to own up to your part in what happened. Now I do realize there are some things that are out of our control and I get that. I won’t spell those out and hope you understand what I am saying. If you’re not willing to flay open your soul, take accountability and then change what you need to, then therapy is not for you. 

I am a huge advocate for therapy. I want everyone I come in contact with to be able to go and get rid of all the baggage that drags you down. I want those around me to have a happy life with no baggage. Be the change for someone who may need therapy and they are waiting on you to see what you will do. 

In the next few posts I will write more on my time while I was in therapy. I am hoping this post and the ones following will help you in your journey. I’m hoping you see that therapy while has a stigma on it will help you regardless of those around you who may not be for it. You have to do what’s best for you and your mental state.

Peace out Tater Tot

Can I ask for help?

 Can you ask for help and actually take the help? 

Do you do a "battle cry" of  I don't need help?

Are you always asking for help?

We as women tend to think we have to do it on our own and refuse to ask for help. For some women it's so they can prove that they are capable, but who are you trying to prove it to? Some women have no clue how to ask for help, while other women are afraid to ask for help. 

I did ask for some help when I was younger and was told No, so you guessed it I quit asking for help until the day I had to ask for help. I was trying to prove to those around me that I could do it and didn't need their help. 

Here's the thing for you women out there, some of us don't ask because we know it comes with strings and truthfully who wants to deal with that. I get that some of the times I asked for help it came with strings. Some women refuse to ask because of past times of nobody helping them. When we tried before to ask and got told no or they never showed up to help then we tend to think everyone is going to do that as well. 

I actually was chatting with my therapist about this very subject. She is in the category of being too stubborn to ask. She also brought up another point and that is when we ask for help from someone and they don't value you or that you need help and they let you down. That's a tough one.

As for the people who can't ask for help for fear of strings and you "owe me" debts, I get it. Here's the thing though we are unfortunately putting that "taint" on those around us and it's not fair to those who would help very quickly. I understand the help with strings and you owe me debts, I have had to endure that for quite awhile until I realized I need to just stop asking for help and do it all myself. 

I have a friend that refuses to ask for help, she will do it on her own. One day it hit me, what or who is she trying to prove something to. It did get me to thinking and realizing that all women out there deal with this. Some will say I have no idea what happened or that they always get a no when they ask for help. This means you no longer ask this person for help. They had their reasons and you may not agree and that's ok. It's tough to ask for help when you have heard "no" too often or even when nobody shows up to help. 

In saying all of this what I am getting at is that it's ok to ask for help from the right person. Sit and think of your people, you know who would help and who wouldn't. To the young women, learn to ask regardless of the "no", learn to do some things on your own but when you need help as scary as it is to ask, do it anyways. To the other women out there, it doesn't matter how many times you have heard "no" or dealt with strings and owe me debts, look at your circle there is someone who will help you. 

My Granddad used to tell me that I was blocking the blessing that someone would get because I didn't let them help. I am learning to keep that close and still ask for help. I still have days where I know I need to ask for help but yet I don't want to inconvenience anyone or have someone got out of their way. 

Start small that's all I'm asking for. I had to learn at the beginning of my medical journey in 2022. I still have my moments but each day gets better

Peace out Tater Tot