This isn't how I expected my life…

    When I was little I wasn’t for sure how my life would turn out. All I knew was that I wanted to be a manager of a hotel/restaurant business. I'm sure a lot of you will agree with what I am about to write. My life has not been easy at all, in fact as I look back I see how tough it’s been. Now don’t get me wrong I have had some very good days sprinkled in, and some great days sprinkled in with all that. I have learned that this life is all we get, it took me a long time to figure that out but I think I got there, at least I hope. 

   My life as I call it has been a series of unfortunate events with some good/great things going on. I have learned that if we only look at the bad then that’s all we will see, but we have to train ourselves to focus on the good, because eventually the good will always always outweigh the bad. Yes bad things happen,, yes tragic things happen but they will teach us if we allow them to. Now before you get your boxers in a twist let me reassure you that I have had some tragic, bad, horrible things happen to me. I mean we are talking losing a parent unexpectedly at the age of 17, cancer twice, sexual manipulation as I call it. My therapist would call it r@pe but he allowed me to say it my way because that’s the way I feel about it. In all of this I never expected my life to take the drastic turn it did.

    When I was little I didn’t have any expectations, when I became a teenager my childhood best friend and I made a deal that we would marry a guy who didn’t drink or smoke. Well I failed that one and I’m sure she did too. My marriage didn’t last long but that’s okay, it wasn’t a good fit and that was also some sexual manipulation going on there as well, but that’s a whole another story. Let’s just say and because my grandma is gone I can safely say this. I only married him because it would please her, shocking to some of you who didn’t know me back then or even 15 years ago. 

    My life as I look back has taught me strength, perseverance, patience, boldness, peace, humility, hopeful, thankful, realizing that I love my heart just as it is. I have learned that I love being in the moment whatever I may be doing no matter who I am with. Just a side note I haven’t done that one as well as I could but I’m learning. I don’t have favorite foods or favorite places because I will always say that my favorite whatever is whatever I am doing with someone. I have been to the mountains a couple of times with different people and each one of them was a different experience, but it was my favorite. I am still learning to live in the moment. 

   It’s been almost 4 years of dealing with a very serious medical condition and I have noticed that in the past week that I am a tad stronger, and willing to do more than I have been. I know that my strength will come back, in the moment you don’t realize how much it takes out of you to just survive. Eventually I do want to start traveling again, I haven’t done that in so long, I start to get a bit anxious of going anywhere far, but that’s gonna change. 

So even though my life turned out the way it did doesn’t mean that it was bad, it just meant that I had no clue as to how difficult it would be. I had to learn to fight for my life, I had to learn to deal by myself, I had to learn how to rely on others. I had to learn how to take the good times and run with them while I could. I had to learn to live life with a smile, and not worry so much. I had to learn that it was okay to cry if I needed to didn’t mean I was weak, I was just tired.

   I had to learn to stay the course because my life isn’t done yet. God isn’t done with me yet. I still have people to meet. I still have smiles to give, I still have laughter to infect everyone I come in contact with. I still have hope for not only a cure but to be living my best life. I still have joy to spread, I still have love to give even though I can get stingy with it at times. I still have food to try, food to cook. I still have friends that need my help, I still have stories to write. I still have my children to help. 

    So as you go about your day learn to smile, learn to enjoy the moment you are in because no matter what news you just got you are still living. Be happy and enjoy the life you have….. you never know what’s around the corner. 

As always

Peace out Tater Tot 

PS I may have to send this one to Tater Tot if I can find his email address….Maybe I will get someone to send this to him….

Who can say whether it is good or bad?

A farmer and his son lived on a farm in the countryside.They owned a beautiful horse they cherished deeply. The farmer entered the horse into a village contest and won first prize along with some money.When his neighbors gathered to congratulate him, they said enviously, “How lucky you are to have such a remarkable horse.”To the neighbor’s puzzlement, the farmer responded, “Who knows what is good or bad. Not long after, some thieves heard about the prize-winning horse and stole it during the night.The neighbors came by to express their sympathy for the farmers loss and again were confused by the farmers calm response—“Who knows what is good or bad.” The next week the spirited horse escaped from the thieves and miraculously returned to the farm—with several other spectacular wild horses.Again, the astounded neighbors commended the farmer on his incredible good fortune, but his reaction was unchanged—“Who knows what is good or bad.” Not long after, the farmer’s son fell off one of the horses and broke his leg. Compassionate neighbors again expressed their heartfelt sorrow.“Who knows what is good or bad,” repeated the farmer calmly. A short time later, the King’s army passed through town requiring all young and able-bodied men to be drafted into the War, but the farmer’s son was passed over due to his badly broken leg. By this time, the neighbors brought some food and simply came to enjoy a meal with the farmer and his son. They expressed neither joy nor concern for the farmers current circumstances because they knew how he would respond.

This is from leadyoufirst by Parker Houston

So this was one of the topics from a dear friend and it’s definitely challenging and while I had some doubts I decided to tackle this one after I read the parable at least twice. Now it’s time to tackle my opinion of this parable. I will also say I didn’t read the authors take on this until the second time and my brain went a different place but almost the same. I will add his thoughts at the end, well some of his thoughts…

   So when I read it the first time, I had to sit on it for a few days and then BAM it hit me in-the soul and what my opinion or thoughts are on this parable. We also could apply this to our daily lives.

So who is to say something is good or bad, the same thing could happen to 2 people and both of those people will see it differently. Some will see it as way worse than it is or even way better than what is happening. We look at the people and things around our lives and see what they have done, what they have accomplished and admire them or think man they have it going on, they always have good in their lives. Flip side is when we look at the tragedies of the people we know and think I couldn’t do it or even make it as far as they have, but to the person who is going through it may and more than likely look at it quite differently. It is all about our perspective on what is happening at this very moment. 

This parable has taught me that even if I am dealing with a tragedy or great news, I get to decide if it’s good or bad or better yet are they both good or bad? I have been through some tragedies and most days I face it with a positive upbeat attitude and those other days where it’s doom n gloom I let it all hang out or rather I tend to go inside my head and stay there for a day or 2. This parable has shown me that I shouldn’t judge a situation on what is going on in someone else’s life and deem it good or bad. The person going through it can decide that. 

This parable about judging something without all the information is something we all do whether we want to admit it or not. It’s ok, don’t beat yourself up over it, cause you can change your perspective on how you look at things moving forward. If you want to deem something good or bad and the person beside you wants to be the opposite then that would be a great time to have a conversation about why each of you have different views. It will make you more aware going forward. This life is hard enough and we all see some much negative, can we find some positive and start spreading that? Can we have conversations where you and the other person can have a good argument about the differences? No I’m not talking yelling and screaming and demanding and pushing someone to think like you. We all think different and that’s how we were made to be. As I tell B we can’t always have the same things around because nobody will like it. 

This parable is a great start to having some conversations with different views. So moving forward I am going to learn how to debate without the anger, and stick with what I know and should you change my mind on things then congrats to you! I absolutely love deep conversations with people, well not everyone just the ones willing to go with me. While I’m at it if it’s a subject I don’t know, then please don’t treat me different, educate me and don’t get mad when I ask questions. I am a very curious person on most subjects and I love information, so until next time 

Peace out Tater Tot

This is just a snippet from the author

Turn information into action.Viewing things from this perspective helps me to generate less internal resistance, more acceptance, and more compassion—for people, circumstances, and myself. Next time you notice your mind jumping to conclusions about whether something is great or terrible, pause and acknowledge what is now. Enjoy it or grieve it and move forward. Be present.Life is constantly shifting and changing, and it can be very difficult to predict the longer-term ripple effects of any single event.This is both good and bad news.

Parker

If I could visit one place, where

  It’s been a week since I have last written which means I have to give myself some grace. My plan was to write everyday, but….. I forget how much life gets in the way and my body just doesn’t always listen like it should. I am trying to learn to get back to normal living whatever that may be. So the title is from at least 2 of the 5 I asked for some topics. I will answer this one with a 2~part answer, you will see why shortly.

    So there are 2 places that I would love to visit, the first is the Amish communities and the second is Greece. So my dear sweet friend Marla and I were supposed to go up north and see her family and that would also give me the chance to visit the Amish as well. She grew up near there and is familiar with it. Now I could go with her daughter Dawn and who knows we may do that. I am fascinated with Amish ways and the simple yet hardworking community they have going on. Yes I know there is no electronics or even all of the modern convenience that I have today. It’s not about living there for life but I am very much interested in learning about the Amish ways. As most of you know I love to read and I have read quite a few books for the Amish and I am completely aware that what I read is fiction and not real life, but I am still curious about it. I also want to get a quilt that has been made by the Amish, yes I am aware that it will be expensive but taking into account the amount of time and energy in doing them by hand well let’s just say I still want to get one.

   So Greece, well that is one that will remain always a dream for me, at this stage in my life I have no illusions that I will get to go there. Here’s the thing though I can hope and dream about it and I am okay with that. There’s just something about Greece that has called to me. Also I think it’s okay to have a dream place that you want to visit and should you ever get to go to that place, then yes you should take advantage of of it and then find another dream place to start. 

   I will do another writing shortly and it will be a challenging one for me but I think you will love it, so this one is done and now to go start “who can say whether it is good or bad” until then 

Peace Out Tater Tot

The Simplicity of Fishing

    So I spent the last few months house sitting in Sunset Beach. One side was the marsh and the other side was the canal, on the opposite side of the canal there was an area where you could fish, crab or just chill. I absolutely love to see folks out there enjoying their time. 

   The first time I experienced someone out there was on Friday nite, and there was a young couple out there cooking on a little grill. They had all they needed for date nite, food, table, each other and the sun was setting during their meal. I thought that was amazing, you could tell they were enjoying themselves, after they ate they took their chairs and made sure to face the sun as it was setting. 

    Over the years I have watched different folks and sometimes the same folks come out and fish. I actually saw kids out there fishing and having a blast. No phone, no arguing, no yelling,I mean absolutely no phones which is amazing in this day time. They spent a few hours out there. Another time there was a dad with his young sons out there fishing and he was letting them be “boys”. I have seen a few older couples come out and most spend the day out there. I also seen one older couple out there and the wife looked like she was giving her husband some lessons, needless to say it was hilarious to watch them. 

  Fishing is one of those hobby’s that you love to fish or you don’t. It’s all about patience and a whole bunch of waiting to get a bite. Fishing will teach the young about patience but also will give them memories to take with them as they grow. Fishing is one of those hobby’s that you have to just be, you have to be able to sit and enjoy your own company or better yet enjoy the company you brought along. So make sure before you go fishing to really think about who you want to go with you. You can make some very emotional memories while you are fishing. I am reminded of a Trace Adkins song called “Just Fishin” and it’s about fishin of course but more importantly about fishing with his daughter and creating memories. 

    The simplicity of fishing is just that, no phones, not much talking or talking quietly, no anger, just be, you have stopped your world for either a couple of hours or all day. You will probably notice things you wouldn’t normally notice, or hear sounds you don’t usually get to hear. You get to create a memory for you or for those you brought. You don’t have to go fishing to experience this. You could be like some of the young people who go and just hang out but make sure to put your phone down so you can see what’s around you. We all need to take advantage of a day like this…..

Peace Out Tater Tot

   

When bad things happen to good people….

 Before I begin let me say that this is MY opinion and MY thoughts. They may not be correct for you or others but this is MY thoughts on the topic. 

About 15 years ago I started to same some variation of this phrase and as of today I still don’t have a definite answer for this question that many have asked in their own lives. I have come up with a way to deal with why bad things happen to good people. I look around me and see that at times it looks like bad people get the good things while the good people suffer. This is the kind of mental state you get into if you follow the path to get the answer you want. Let me tell you that if there is a true honest to goodness answer for this question I haven’t found it yet. So let me tell you how I deal with this, it ain’t pretty but yet it is.

I mean if you look around you, you will see kids with cancer, adults dealing with life tragedies, and most of them especially the kids are good people. Then you look at the news or again around you and you see the bad people living great lives. It just doesn’t make sense to me or others. So I have decided quite a few years ago to start looking at my situation a bit different. I will always try my best to have a smile on my face. I will always try my best to be positive. I have always tried to do my best to let Jesus’ light to shine bright from me. Now for the other side of that coin

On the days where my mind wants to know why, or when I see children with cancer or rare diseases I get upset because then I ask out loud why can’t a child predator have that instead? I will allow myself to have those days where I question and will be sad, mad or just complete disappointed, those are also the days where I make sure to only have it for a day and then try to do better the next day. 

When bad things happen to good people,some people turn their tragedies into something positive for their life, while others will let it destroy them. Some people will wallow in it for the rest of their lives and always be a victim or want the pity party that comes with it. Some people will allow themselves to stay there for a bit and then co e out the other side stronger and better, and help others. I believe that through all of life’s tragedies we should find the hope to keep going, to help others, to lift others up. We must remember that we are not the only ones going through something, others ,at be better at hiding it than what you are. That’s ok, let them I you can still be there. 

While good things happen to bad people you can choose to either find the good in it or the bad. That choice is yours. As I wrote that a thought popped in my head so I need to share that while there are a few “bad” things that happen to good people it would be hard to find the positive in it, I am aware of that. 

So moving forward that while bad things happen to good people, I bet there are even more good things that happen to good people than we know about. So from this day forward be a part of spreading the good things that happen to good people, get it out there so that the rest of us can have hope…..

Peace out Tater Tot

Challenges of Eating

   This topic has been a focus for me more in the past few years than ever before. Nowadays it’s even more prominent in my life as food doesn’t like my stomach. Food is an essential part of life, you must consume food in order to have energy. You must eat the right foods for your body to have fuel. It’s a relentless cycle, you must eat or you will have no energy, you must eat in order for your body to properly work. If you don’t eat well then there’s no energy, your body starts to breakdown. 

See I come from a generation where you ate 3 meals and maybe a snack in the afternoon. My house, you just couldn’t go to the fridge and just get something to eat, but my cousin could do that. My mother made all the food and you had to eat what was on your plate, you couldn’t leave the table until you were a part of the clean plate club. My mother made our plates and you had to eat everything that was on the plate, you couldn’t have seconds until everything on your plate was gone. If you got seconds then you still had to finish that as well. You couldn’t get up until your plate was clean. I also remember that you couldn’t ever say you didn’t like something especially if you haven’t tried it yet. I have a funny story from when I was a kid that makes me laugh but it stuck with me. My cousin had told her dad she wasn’t eating green peas from a can and spat them out. He got up opened another can and warmed them up, she had to sit there and finish the whole can. Needless to say she never again said I don’t like or spit her food out. 

Nowadays I am learning that I have to eat smaller meals and more often. Right now it’s not easy and I am trying to break a cycle that I have had my whole life. How do you change? How do you teach yourself to eat smaller meals especially when the food is so delicious? I already have to stay away from dairy, and now you want me to do smaller meals and eat a little more often? Yeah,like I really want to do that (eye roll). The great thing about this is that while I don’t feel like I can change years of a habit that was formed in childhood, I know that it will take time but I will get there. 

Food is a part of life, you meet friends and loved one at restaurants, your first date, meeting new and old friends. When you are cooking for others, you spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen talking and laughing. Food is what brings people together whatever the occasion is. So while this may not be easy for me, I know that I can do it, I mean I have finally gotten okay with not drinking whole milk. So there is hope for me yet. I love food especially when I cook it. I also love trying different recipes, I do have my favorites and to try and eat a small meals. I mean I could do that and then save the rest for another meal, but when the food is so good…….

Today being August 1st, I have decided to write everyday about a different topic no matter how tired I am.  Right now I have about 17 more topics from close friends and I will write about each one of them. If you have any ideas on how to eat smaller meals then leave me a comment. I don’t mind different ideas, 

As I was reading over what I just wrote I realized that there are people who have an eating disorder, or a food addiction, I don’t have either of these and can’t begin to understand what you are going through, so please know this isn’t a judgement on you and what you may be going through as you read my post. 

Am I Cuckoo

Therapy is not for everyone. Yes I actually said that but wait…… there’s more!!! Society tells us we should do talk therapy or whatever the other one is. It gets 30 seconds and too me that’s just crazy and not really helpful. Society also makes jokes, laughs at others and berate someone for going to therapy. Society has taught us for a long time that talking to a therapist is just not cool and now they are trying to change the narrative on that. My title is very fitting because I actually have an uncle that asked me that when he realized I was seeing a therapist. My first therapist was a really good one and my second one was just what I needed at the time. I didn’t tell my grandma about going to therapy because she was one of those people. Nothing wrong with that I just wasn’t comfortable telling her just yet but I did. 

In my formative years I wasn’t for or against therapy just something that I didn’t think about. Then as I got older and realizing I need some help but had no clue where to start. So of course like others I put it off. I wouldn’t think about therapy for awhile and then one day I was just ready to deal with my childhood and get all the baggage taken care so I could move on with my life and enjoy it. My life, my church and work all came to head one week and then I had no choice but to reach out. 

I had to answer some questions with a caller to get the phone numbers and names of therapists in the area. One question she asked and I understood immediately what she was asking. She asked if I preferred a male or female. I chose male because at that time I was very comfortable talking to a male. At that time there was no way I would ever be able to talk to a female. Don’t worry David got me hooked up with Joanne for my second therapist. I wouldn’t trade either one, they were sent at the exact time that it was needed. 

First day of therapy, you want me to talk, you want me to do what?? You mean to tell me this is a safe place and I can tell you all my deepest darkest secrets?  No way, no how, you aren’t tricking me into talking about what’s going on in my life. It took me about 6 to 8 months before I could trust David with some deep dark secrets. It took another 6 months before I could really really trust him and for real give up the deepest darkest secrets I carried. I tell you though, it was most rewarding. 

I’m sure some of you have read the very first line and then read up to here and wonder why I said that since I had such a rewarding time. I will explain now, so in my first visits with David I started to be okay talking with him as long as we didn’t get too deep. I also realized that I was paying him to help me. That’s when it clicked for me, I had to be willing to lay my soul bare, I also had to start taking what I had learned and using it so I could change. At the time I was going there was this older gentleman who was going but the thing was he was still harping on childhood issues but wasn’t willing to learn and move forward. That’s so sad to me, this man spent his life in therapy and didn’t change. 

So when I say therapy isn’t for all, this is what I mean, you have to be willing to change, you have to be able to have hard conversations even if you don’t want to. You have to be willing to put the work in, and that means that you have to take accountability for the stuff that is your fault. You have to own up to your part in what happened. Now I do realize there are some things that are out of our control and I get that. I won’t spell those out and hope you understand what I am saying. If you’re not willing to flay open your soul, take accountability and then change what you need to, then therapy is not for you. 

I am a huge advocate for therapy. I want everyone I come in contact with to be able to go and get rid of all the baggage that drags you down. I want those around me to have a happy life with no baggage. Be the change for someone who may need therapy and they are waiting on you to see what you will do. 

In the next few posts I will write more on my time while I was in therapy. I am hoping this post and the ones following will help you in your journey. I’m hoping you see that therapy while has a stigma on it will help you regardless of those around you who may not be for it. You have to do what’s best for you and your mental state.

Peace out Tater Tot

Can I ask for help?

 Can you ask for help and actually take the help? 

Do you do a "battle cry" of  I don't need help?

Are you always asking for help?

We as women tend to think we have to do it on our own and refuse to ask for help. For some women it's so they can prove that they are capable, but who are you trying to prove it to? Some women have no clue how to ask for help, while other women are afraid to ask for help. 

I did ask for some help when I was younger and was told No, so you guessed it I quit asking for help until the day I had to ask for help. I was trying to prove to those around me that I could do it and didn't need their help. 

Here's the thing for you women out there, some of us don't ask because we know it comes with strings and truthfully who wants to deal with that. I get that some of the times I asked for help it came with strings. Some women refuse to ask because of past times of nobody helping them. When we tried before to ask and got told no or they never showed up to help then we tend to think everyone is going to do that as well. 

I actually was chatting with my therapist about this very subject. She is in the category of being too stubborn to ask. She also brought up another point and that is when we ask for help from someone and they don't value you or that you need help and they let you down. That's a tough one.

As for the people who can't ask for help for fear of strings and you "owe me" debts, I get it. Here's the thing though we are unfortunately putting that "taint" on those around us and it's not fair to those who would help very quickly. I understand the help with strings and you owe me debts, I have had to endure that for quite awhile until I realized I need to just stop asking for help and do it all myself. 

I have a friend that refuses to ask for help, she will do it on her own. One day it hit me, what or who is she trying to prove something to. It did get me to thinking and realizing that all women out there deal with this. Some will say I have no idea what happened or that they always get a no when they ask for help. This means you no longer ask this person for help. They had their reasons and you may not agree and that's ok. It's tough to ask for help when you have heard "no" too often or even when nobody shows up to help. 

In saying all of this what I am getting at is that it's ok to ask for help from the right person. Sit and think of your people, you know who would help and who wouldn't. To the young women, learn to ask regardless of the "no", learn to do some things on your own but when you need help as scary as it is to ask, do it anyways. To the other women out there, it doesn't matter how many times you have heard "no" or dealt with strings and owe me debts, look at your circle there is someone who will help you. 

My Granddad used to tell me that I was blocking the blessing that someone would get because I didn't let them help. I am learning to keep that close and still ask for help. I still have days where I know I need to ask for help but yet I don't want to inconvenience anyone or have someone got out of their way. 

Start small that's all I'm asking for. I had to learn at the beginning of my medical journey in 2022. I still have my moments but each day gets better

Peace out Tater Tot