Thorns are holding me up

I am no longer strong enough to hold on. I am no longer attached to a rope. At this point the thorns are holding me up. Its suffocating me. It's in my throat trying to take my voice. It needs to take my voice. The battle is on the question is will I win? The first time to get out is the hardest at least at the time. You have never gotten out before. Depression, sadness, rejection, tears, second skin holds on tight, so therefore to actually attempt to do something different to think different.... Well it aint easy. Once you clear that well of darkness and make it to the light. Its like living for the first time ever in your life. You look at the sun, the moon different You look at people different. Your conversations and relationships are so much different. At this point you don't want to be around the negative, the toxic, the dark in fact you actually crave the light. Then BAM one day it hits you and you are sliding back down the well of darkness. Oh my what to do, what to do. You fight again to get out and this time you know what it takes to get out, you know what you have to do. As you are climbing out of the well of darkness, you find that you made it out quicker. Nobody knew, nobody suspected. You put a smile on your face and grinned at everyone you passed. You were happy at least that's what you tell yourself. Now you are standing on top of the well loving the light, loving being out again and loving life yet again. As time goes on you think you have it, but nevertheless one day BAM it hits again and this time it's aggressive. It's using everything to throw at you, your unlovable, your not worth it, you are a waste. It's everything you have fought before but this time it's a stranglehold on your voice. You can't ask for help. You can't speak. At this point you know if you do it just might destroy self. And in a moment of sanity, a moment just a small moment you make a call. You know what you need to do. It's no longer about want, it's about need at this point. The war rages inside and is slowly dragging you down the well of darkness. Before long you realize you are almost at the point of no return. You realize that you are on that one brick that could take you down further or boost you up. You see a glimpse of light, you look up. Finally you reach out to start the journey again to get out of the well of darkness.