Thorns don't have to hurt?

As I go about my days, they are good but there is some tough ones thrown in. I look at the bricks that surround me and realize I think I went down some. Wait a minute the light looks further away. Why? I thought I was doing good. Why can't it be easy like in the beginning? Since I have traveled this road before I understand whats happening. See you do great in the beginning giving you a false sense of hope that it will stay that way. However as you travel up on those thorns you will get knocked down some. While the happiness you are feeling is slipping away, those old feelings of unworthiness, not good enough, well you get the picture. Anyways as those feeling start to come back now the real fun begins. It took me awhile to learn that even though I "loved" the instant gratification and the rush it wasnt lasting. The more I partook of the acts that lead to the rush the more I needed. I had to learn to love myself. I had to learn to like myself. I had to learn to encourage myself. I had to learn to be ok with who I am, but I had to learn who I was first. It was time to put the old away.  Now it's time to dig deep. it's time to get to the real issues and turn it around. Now lets get to why we feel the way we do. Why we do the things we do. We already know why we cut, snort, smoke, hit, sexual acts to get that adrenaline rush. That high that doesnt let you feel anything. So now I must learn why I do the things I do. It doesnt matter that I love the rush. It doesnt matter that I crave that rush. It's a moment of instant gratification that once This time I am not sure what happened to land me in the well back where I had second skin as a comfort but I also knew it was time to head back towards the light. This time its a bit harder than the first. This time though I have to fight a little harder, I have to work a little harder to get back to the light. So the thorns dont have to always hurt but you don't want them to stick around. You do not want to get comfortable with thorns. Their main purpose is to pierce the skin, so now lets use them to get higher up the well...

Thorns are strong

Wait a minute, these bricks look different. I see more light. What in the world is going on? I mean come on, I did a small step, I reached out and asked for help. I sent a simple text, I need a counseling session, essentially saying I need help. I look down and realize that the bottom isn't as close as it once was. I look up and amazed that I see more light. Could it really be this easy? Some would say it's a small step, others will say it's a huge step. Maybe just maybe it's a small step with huge ramifications. At this point though I dont really care bout it being a huge or small step. I am just tired of being in this hole while the thorns are holding me up. In the beginning they didn't hurt, they didnt poke however the longer I am with the thorns, I am starting to feel them. Its time. You can't just reach out to anyone, you have to be able to trust them, you have to feel safe with them. You have to know who will help even though everyone says they will but yet you know they can't. You have to pick someone that you know will give it to straight even if it hurts even if its uncomfortable. You reach out anyways!!! I am in the middle of my well, the thorns have helped since they are so strong. I am finally getting somewhere, I am finally going up. Its hard but not as hard as being down where I was before. This time though I know what I have to do to make it out, to make it to the light. I got this, or do I? Don't give up!!!! Reach out I promise its worth it. If you ever need me reach out, I will help if I can. Next up Vines are stronger

Thorns are holding me up

I am no longer strong enough to hold on. I am no longer attached to a rope. At this point the thorns are holding me up. Its suffocating me. It's in my throat trying to take my voice. It needs to take my voice. The battle is on the question is will I win? The first time to get out is the hardest at least at the time. You have never gotten out before. Depression, sadness, rejection, tears, second skin holds on tight, so therefore to actually attempt to do something different to think different.... Well it aint easy. Once you clear that well of darkness and make it to the light. Its like living for the first time ever in your life. You look at the sun, the moon different You look at people different. Your conversations and relationships are so much different. At this point you don't want to be around the negative, the toxic, the dark in fact you actually crave the light. Then BAM one day it hits you and you are sliding back down the well of darkness. Oh my what to do, what to do. You fight again to get out and this time you know what it takes to get out, you know what you have to do. As you are climbing out of the well of darkness, you find that you made it out quicker. Nobody knew, nobody suspected. You put a smile on your face and grinned at everyone you passed. You were happy at least that's what you tell yourself. Now you are standing on top of the well loving the light, loving being out again and loving life yet again. As time goes on you think you have it, but nevertheless one day BAM it hits again and this time it's aggressive. It's using everything to throw at you, your unlovable, your not worth it, you are a waste. It's everything you have fought before but this time it's a stranglehold on your voice. You can't ask for help. You can't speak. At this point you know if you do it just might destroy self. And in a moment of sanity, a moment just a small moment you make a call. You know what you need to do. It's no longer about want, it's about need at this point. The war rages inside and is slowly dragging you down the well of darkness. Before long you realize you are almost at the point of no return. You realize that you are on that one brick that could take you down further or boost you up. You see a glimpse of light, you look up. Finally you reach out to start the journey again to get out of the well of darkness.