As I sat waiting waiting to see my wonderful doctor for my 4 month check ups noticed a few things today. There's a special kinship that people who are going through a cancer battle that you have with each other and it's not explained other than you don't walk that road alone. Today there was laughter, smiles and everyday conversation going on. You wouldn't know that some of these people were waiting for chemo treatments and who knows maybe it's the end for some of them and maybe it's the beginning. Regardless I sat and watched and listened to those around me. Some were encouraging the lady beside her with words and a smile. Then one let's us all know she may get sick she just wanted to warn us.
If you have never faced the battle of cancer then please don't take your health for granted. It's not worth it. My life for the next few years will be living as much as I can and in between doing check ups. Here's the thing I am usually okay in the middle but when it comes time for a check up I do get a little bit anxious. Yes I know I am suppose to trust God" yes I know I am suppose to believe I am healed. Here's what you don't realize, I do believe all that. I know I am healed, I know that I trust God. God is the one who helped me through the past 2 years. Getting back to my point. So when my appointments come up even though I know everything is fine I still get anxious, what if they find something, what's gonna happen next. Oh my the thoughts that run through my head just before an appointment. I am human that's the only answer I have for it. God hasn't made me perfect yet and so therefore sometimes my human nature gets in the way. Here's the best thing God knows exactly how I am and what I am thinking and what is going on in my head and He loves me anyways for it.
So over the next few years when my appointments arrive I still strive to do better about being anxious but I don't promise a thing. I do want to share some things with you though. As you are waiting whether it's for you or a friend look around you and pray for those around you. Give an encouraging smile to the one sitting across from you that catches your eye.msmiles are free in this world and a smile could mean the difference in someone's life. You never know. Just because someone is smiling and laughing doesn't mean they don't have a battle going on inside. I stayed positive throughout my whole battle with chemo and radiation. The people who were with me made it very enjoyable for me and them. I am forever grateful to the ones who walked with me on that journey.
I am learning because of the journey to not wait to do the things I want to do like dance in the rain, or get that tattoo I have been wanting. I want to go somewhere I have never been and yes I will get there just not this month. I want to slow down and smell the roses and enjoy life before it passes me by. When those dreaded but great checkups can't me I want to be reminded not to take life for granted. I want to be reminded that I can listen to the radio on the way home and sing as loud as I want and who cares if anyone is watching. I want to be reminded to get all the kisses I can from the boys. I want to be reminded to go see a movie or go with a friend out to lunch/dinner and just sit and enjoy my time with them. I want to be reminded that life is moving on.
I have been facing some very challenging thoughts in the past few months and one day I will be able to write. By the way this is my first time in forever being able to actually write and it mean something. I think my writers block is gone at least that is what I am praying for. So until the next time remember to smile at those waiting and to even say an encouraging word. So until next time.......
Peace out Tater Tot
