A talk

I know this one is a bit long

Nov 18 (I believe) is the date of the talk - now this talk was not your average talk - we all have talks, some serious, some funny, some short and some long - this talk was long serious and a bit funny - before I go any further let me just say that in my writings I will not put names or try not to -I know there is a name in my first writing but it is just the first name - ok where was I - oh yeah a funny, long but serious talk - I went in to the doctor on this day with my sweet dear friend - she was there for moral support and to help ask any questions that either I couldn't remember or wouldn't think to ask - as you can tell this is a very serious talk - I was meeting my oncologist for the first time - I had no clue as to what to expect or what would happen - I certainly didn't expect surgery again but I'm getting ahead of myself - the one major thing that helped me get through all of this was and is God - the next best thing was having a few great friends - C was with me on this day and for that I am forever grateful - anyways - as we sit down to talk with the oncologist we ask why didn't the first doctor catch the cancer with the biopsies and yearly exams - the oncologist explained that where my cancer was at it wouldn't of been found with the traditional methods - if they had not done surgery then they would of not found it till it was in its advanced stages - the oncologist explained that we were going to have to do another surgery to take take out the rest of my equipment because once radiation hits the ovaries they quit working - and at this point I had no use for them - as he explained that he was taking my ovaries, tubes and either checking my pelvic lymph nodes or taking them - regardless C was asking questions like side effects, anything I can do or can't do - how long will the side effects last - anything in particular that we can do to help this process - all the while I would just shake my head and look at the doc and say "but they are my ovaries" for some strange reason I got very possessive of my ovaries - the doc would stop each time he heard me and say but we have to take them - I would just sit quietly listening to everything that was being talked about - I repeated that statement about 5 different times and the last time the doc finally looked at me and said "it sucks" - I shook my head and was on the verge of saying no it's ok but I stopped myself because at the point it really did suck - he nodded at me and then I was ok at least for the rest of that day - I learned that my surgery would take place on dec 4th and that treatments would maybe start at the first of the year - I would have 5 weeks of radiation 5 days a week and I would have chemo once a week for 5 weeks - after the regular radiation I would have to have 2 treatments of radiation with a cylinder but that's another story - I learned that while I was having treatments I would not lose my hair - I may lose weight (but try not to they said) - and I would be nauseated - I would be tired - but nothing to major - anyways we had to wait in the lobby after we talked with the doc for a set up appointment ( I think) and as we were sitting there - my question was why can't they make a tool that would detect cancer cells in the glands - a yearly is good and sometimes great but they need to use the brush a little better - if you are a female then you know about the brush - so let me tell you that when you go for your next yearly you need to tell them to use the brush - the brush would have "brushed" some of the cancer cells down and it would have been detected - at this point surgery was set and we were headed home - now remember I wasn't completely healed from my first surgery on Oct 25 - I went into this "talk" with no expectations at least that's what I thought - I didn't reslize I would get so possessive of my ovaries - I loved the fact that my oncologist was sympathic and caring -at least he showed that - I loved the fact that he was patient and kind with all our questions - I don't think I would of been able to remember everything that was said had I been by myself - anytime you have a "talk" please take someone with you - the thing to remember about "the talk" is to go in there with no expectations - take someone with you that isn't afraid to ask questions whether it's your questions or theirs - and more importantly take someone who has your best interest at heart - it's already difficult enough to hear that you had cancer and it's even more difficult to walk through this by yourself - 

I was angry that I had to have surgery again even though it was nobody's fault - I wanted to be done at this point I couldn't understand or grasp why do treatments since they got the cancer out but then oops I remember there was a "suspicious" mass near my lymph nodes - I didn't want to have another surgery - thanksgiving and Christmas was coming up - I wanted to be out n about enjoying the holidays with everyone else - I didn't want treatments looming over my head - I didn't want yet another surgery looming over my head - needless to say I was not happy but yet I had a stern talk with self and just braced myself for what was to come - and in saying that I had no clue as to what I was about to face - at this point it was like let's put my diagnosis of cancer on the shelf for another time and let's deal with surgery and then getting through treatments - we'll for now that's it........

Peace out tater tot......

Something new

This is me learning to color outsides the lines.....this is me stepping outside the box.....

October 8, 2014 was a day that I had to decide if I wanted to have another endometrial ablation or a total hysterectomy - I decided on the total hysterectomy because I had just had the ablation at the end of June and my body had rejected the machine in both places the doc had placed it - we scheduled surgery on October 25 - my docs head nurse calls me earlier the week of surgery to warn me that my doc was gonna try and talk me out of having the surgery - one of the biggest reasons he didn't want me to have that surgery was because he was gonna have to cut me - see I have never had children - and that was a huge concern for him and another reason was due to scar tissue from another surgery - we debated back and forth - he wanted me to try the ablation again and I wanted to have the hysterectomy - well the doc decides that he wants to check my uterus one last time - so as he sets up the ultrasound and we look - something shows up that has never showed up in any ultra sound that I have had - my doc takes off his gloves and informs me that I now must have the surgery because I had adenomyosis - it's a form of endometriosis that gets in your uterine wall and never goes away - it only gets worse - the doc informs me that the ablation would of never worked - I had been living with pain from the third pit of well you know and the irregularity of my cycle - I was so excited - the doc gives me a hug and tells me that everything is going to be fine and that he would like to have me leaving the hospital on Saturday between 4 and 6 that evening - I go in Friday morning - I was a lil anxious but not too concerned - I had a talk with Jesus and asked Him if He would just make sure 2 things were taken care of - He took care of them so I had nothing to worry about - surgery went exceptionally well - I woke up from surgery in very little pain - I had a few visitors that day - I got one of my favorites candy (Reese's pieces) - the nurses had me up and walking about 10:30 that nite - I walked just a little ways and got hot I mean sweaty hot very quickly - I got up again in the middle nite to walk again - remember the doc had said he would like to see me go home the next evening - by 4:30 Saturday afternoon I had made about 5 trips around the hallway - my last trip around my doc was coming down the hall to see how I was doing - I remember him asking me how my pain level was - my response was it's ok - he said try again - at that time I said I was in pain - he said that's what I wanted to hear - he gave me pain killers to take home and said I could have my first shower on Sunday afternoon and to come in on Thursday October 31 to have the staples removed - he told me to take it easy - and no driving for 2 weeks - I took it easy and had no pain - I was good to go - on Thursday October 31 I was woke up by God and He have me a word that morning - He told me that sometimes the journey isn't for you but those around you - I woke up saying that and hearing that - I went back to sleep and was woke up bout 8 am with a phone call from my docs head nurse Crystal letting me know that the doc wanted me to come in at 2:30 that the doc had some surprising news for me - I was already headed in that day to have my staples removed - and you do not need an appointment to have them removed - so I wasn't concerned at all - honestly my thought was I had endometriosis - and then I got another call at 12:30 to let me know I didn't need to come in till 5:30 that he was running behind - Jennifer and I went to The Gravy for lunch and then headed to Wilmington for my appointment - I have my staples removed the doc looks at it and says it was healing really good - I go sit in the office with him and Jennifer - the doc proceeds to tell me that the technician missed it and that the pathologist almost missed it - the pathologist report came back that I had cancer - argh - I just said the dreaded "c" word - haha - yes I laugh - let's say it again don't be afraid - CANCER - my doc said he told the pathologist that he had the wrong patient because he had done several biopsies and they came back negative for cancer - the doc explained to me that my cancer had started growing on my cervix and had grown in a straight line to my uterus - my uterine wall was 2cm thick and the cancer had went 1.8cm through - the doc said it was slow moving and that he had no idea how long it had been there and how long it had been growing - my doc worked at John Hopkins and said he had he bet seen this in all his years working - see it (cancer) was found in my glands which is rare - my doc explained I had to go see an oncologist to discuss my options and what to do next - we left the doctors office and so e things started falling into place - I understood at that point why the ablation didn't work - I took it in - I absorbed the news and went straight into fight mode - in 23 days my life had done way too many dips curves, potholes - I just went into fight mode - I accepted it in the sense that I had it and it was done and gone - in my mind I was already in fight mode - 

I leave you with this

Once a life changer happens to you - you have 2 choices - fight or give up - it's just that simple - nobody can make the decision for you - you are the only one who can decide - I'm not saying that once you decide to fight that it will be easy - any time you have a life changer happen and you decide to fight - you are gonna have highs and lows - you learn to fight harder on those low days - 

Peace out........